We need to talk about Martin
Please excuse the cliche, but I think we need to talk about Martin. It’s been a while coming – next year it will be ten years since we first found out our friend, colleague and comrade was in fact a BAE spy, but it’s finally time to write about what happened in detail and with the hindsight of perspective.
So, I’m planning to write a book about my dear “friend” Martin, the secular Godfather to my son, and my close friend for the best part of five years. This will be the account of our times together, from planning meetings and pints, to arrests and tear gas on the streets of international summits. This will be the story of what I believed was our journey together, and how this narrative has been shattered and replaced only with questions.
But I would also like this to be a piece of exploration and examination. There is so much which will always remain unanswered. There are no truths, because the one person who could answer so many of the questions is a professional liar. I don’t know yet whether Martin will be prepared to talk to me. I don’t know whether I want to talk to him. Although I know, without doubt, that if the opportunity arises, I will grab it with both hands. But I’m not holding my breath. He hasn’t had any contact with anyone for years, and I doubt he’s suddenly going to break his silence now.
However, I want to explore his motives and agendas; the relationship he had with other people. This is going to involve many painful and honest conversations, and I really hope people will feel able to engage and talk with me both about their experiences, but also their analysis of who they think Martin really was.
Over the years, I have come up with a myriad of excuses for what Martin did ranging from complete denial to a vain hope that there was a limit to the information he was passing on. However I am coming to accept this was just naive posturing. There can be no excuses for what Martin did, for the betrayal, the manipulation and the lies. There is no middle ground, no half truth that makes sense of his actions. This has been the hardest part to accept; not to make excuses for my friend; not to let him still have a small piece of my heart.
So, does anyone else want to talk about Martin? I’m asking anyone who knew him, loved him, or simply worked with him to get in contact. I’m hoping to get as much information as possible to build the fullest picture of Martin that we can, what he said, they way he operated, thoughts, feelings and gut reactions. I want to dissect the whole sorry mess. I know that’s it’s painful, and I know it may be too difficult to talk about. However, I’m also hoping it could be a positive experience, both in understanding how a corporate spy lived and worked amongst us for so many years, and in processing the pain.